Transit TV Update for the Week of 2/23

[tags]transit tv, pbs, nbc, telemundo[/tags]

Indeed you’re right Fred, when I saw the NBC segment on Transit TV I flipped out. Couldn’t believe my eyes. Though I’m not sure why, local news is almost as much of a joke, but I guess how close that “almost” is, is what really matters. But no matter how close, I was happy all the same. Read on for this and all other things Transit TV for this past week.

P. Allen Smith continues to keep us up to date with the trippin’ on shrooms info this week by teaching us which shrooms will can get you effed up best while not ruining the tree that bore them. He goes further to say that tree shrooms taste much better than the ones found in cow sh*t. He also sports a sweet ass Marty McFly jump ship jacket. Hell yeah P.

American Latino discovers two Brazilian racers who are running the show in the Formula 1 world. And though sexy azz Latinos with their whites shirts unbuttoned for proper chest machismo exposure, it’s still impossible to take them seriously when their running around after a victory in their giant helmets that turn them into life size bobble head dolls.

What if Franklin Roosevelt didn’t really die but is still alive and employed as a deadly assassin? That’s what the book Assassins Gallery by some bald dewd named Dave attempts to find out. In the interview Dave tells us about how Teddy and Franklin Roosevelt were blood brothers in The Creed of the Assassin Order before the group was made public and became the NRA. Franky, as Dave calls him in the book, was into target practicing on stray and neighbors’ cats roaming in his backyard while Teddy loved taking aim at men shorter than he.

Planet X producers believe children aren’t getting enough ass from their extreme ways so they’re covering kids this week at their local skate parks. Hopes are high that some of their fellow Roxy pre-teens see the footage on the now celeb filled Transit TV and they start to feel the need to fulfill some of them skater boi desires. And oh damn… the alien at the end speaks!! No idea what he says, but he def says something. This is great, a whole new reason to watch!. No way! Talking ‘bout jails and LA DWP. I can’t believe I’m actually wishing for the sound to be louder for mega celeb weather man Fritz Coleman. It seems drugs are still coming over the border, but according to upset deputies less is being found in “hot foreign asses”. Echo Park Lake is getting some money to clean up all the bum sh*t and needles as is some lake in Harbor City where decomposing bodies are ruining the local ecosystem. Oh damn, they even have a NBC4 Transit TV graphic too. Amazing. Are our plights being addressed? Maybe a morning zoo crew is around the corner.

On En Contexto, a fairly new Latino news show, Ruben Luengas tells us that cars in Guatemala are simultaneously combusting in the streets leaving many poor without places to sleep, Mexico still likes soccer and another weather lady that’s straight from Telemundo’s Zorro says it might rain. Which makes sense because En Contexto is a broadcast of Telemundo, another sign that Transit TV or Metro is starting to make some efforts to legitimize its “entertainment” efforts.

Jim Cosack is seriously pissed about the severe weather in the states especially in AZ where the “Super Bowl of Golf,” the WGC Accenture Open, might be ruined. After this info he must of been so mad or had to pee because he left the screen for no apparent reason and told the weather of the last two Nascar events off screen. Wait, the Super Bowl of Golf… really?!

(My god, the amount of weather on Transit TV is amazing. PGA weather especially, but weather in general really. If you’re on the bus for more than 15 minutes you’ll see no less than three weather reports. With all different weather people! Who am I too trust!!)

Thank god for the Clever Cleavers I guess for you can always trust them to dress up Aladdin styles and cook up some camel flanks in what could be Israeli blood with a hint of salt. Hopefully kosher, as they parade around in their flowing outfits and Zany’s wonderfully offensive Apu impersonation of an Arabian. Hopefully Barak Obama doesn’t catch wind of these boys or they could be toast.

Another new show premiered this week called, Weekend Explorer, a PBS program about travel destinations. It tells us to visit some beach town in Georgia where interracial couples are not only allowed, but encouraged. And yes! That lighthouse in the distance is in fact the same as the one you remember from that ONE lighthouse stamp. U know the ONE. It has red brick and rocks are kind of near it. Water too with a light at the top. Yeah that one!

In Med News we learn that people are now taking to the needles to quit smoking. Though many doctors are weighing the afflictions, heroin or smoking as to which is worse, many advocates are already talking mandatory vaccine. Merck execs are reported to have been awake at all hours convincing lobbyists to sell their product and to hell with the FDA. Also, kids with ADHD are now allowed to sleep all day at school to combat their affliction. Students across America are pleading that it’s not their horseplay or girls wearing tank tops that is inhibiting their education, but ADHD. School boards are scheduled to replace reading time with sleeping time by the end of the calendar year.

The new stop animation feature has two reindeers made of PVC pipes and work gloves playing tennis. Tied at three sets a piece the blue boi steps it up and uses his face like a potato gun and lights his head to launch the ball past his opponent. Roger Federer, watch out fat boi.

Transit TV ads are in the mood to give away some free sh*t. First off is 15Letstalk.com giving away Razrs to housewives everywhere and Slimcoffee, a coffee beverage that helps u lose weight while simultaneously gaining up to 50% muscle mass, is giving a way free trial kits as well. Meanwhile the, what-must-be-BS Mothers Nutritional Center ad is still around telling stressed mothers to buy food from some made up wonderland where they can pay in fake crayon covered money. Whether these stores actually exist is anyone’s guess, but I’m just not buying it. I’ve also discovered the coolest name for insurance ever in, Mega Life Insurance. I’ll be hoping for a random letter in the mail from them soon too. Maybe have a hot neighbor get the same piece of mail at the same time so I can finally strike up that conversation we’ve both been longing for. Like they say, nothing brings people together like life insurance. And don’t mistake Le Cordon Blue for just another tasty microwave dinner anymore. Instead, it’s a school with classes that take place on the Golden Gate Bridge. How exciting! Can’t afford a treadmill? Then consolidate your loans with Consolidated Credit Service and get that treadmill you’ve always dreamed about. And yes, Qtones is back!! With newer and hipper songs like the Super Mario Bros. theme song and Gold Digger for only 99 cents and a lifetime of unsolicited phone calls!

With all this new programming from such networks as PBS, NBC and Telemundo, perhaps Metro is reading this board after all. Perhaps a new leaf is being turned, but fear not, for I have no doubt the classic programming we’ve all grown to love so much will never leave.