Transit TV Update for the Week of 2/16

This week Transit TV seems to have hired some MTV marketing genius’ cuz it’s all about sex baby. Read on for some risque stuff involving hot tubs, Christie Brinkley and Don Cheetle, but first…

P. Allen Smith tells us to cut all the mushrooms off downed trees before you lean them against your house or any other building. Then use the mushrooms to fill any left over strawberry boxes you might have lying around. He also tells us that picking flower bulbs is like picking cantaloupe at the market, ask a foreigner.

The fish eye lens rears its amazing talents again on Planet X with some of the usual snowboarders and skiers making jumps off of miscellaneous tree trunks and other extreme objects like HELICOPTERS!!! Then taking it easy by jumping off a bridge and hanging out with the group dog. Yesterday a kid moved from his seat to another specifically to get a better view of the TV during Planet X. However, within two minutes his attention wuz diverted by someone opening a window and it never went back.

Raza Campeone’s Ismeal Miranda sits next to an awkwardly placed man in a lime green shirt that doesn’t say a word for the length of the four-minute segment, just staring at him and laughing from time to time. His purpose, though not said, probably has something to do with Ismeal’s sunglass upkeep.

Red headed weather girl wears a huge mic on her lapel.

Dressed Sinatra-esque the Cleavers are making some good stuff that includes onions, salt, big hunks of meat and of course an assload of wine which Tony pours on like a four year old. Two hands on the hull. Zany’s New York accent was perfectly obnoxious and his facial expressions were equally so. Though Tony seemed to realize halfway through that he wuz losing the talking battle and took over once the magic appearing garlic bread showed up. Later in the week they keep it fresh with some Lawrence of Arabia nonsense that ends with Zany doing wut he does best, dancing.

Tech Tips tells us that museums r replacing paintings with big screen TVs

Two questions. How many golf tournaments can there be, and where the f*%k is Jim Cosak!!!

Solutions with Jill tells us the best way to cut up your Sudaphed for a homemade meth lab is to use pliers and to hide the smell from your parents you can boil up some flowers. But only the dying ones or mom might notice! And for those of u with a million free hours, pass the time by wiping down each leaf of your household plants with milk.

Trivia says the oldest public school in the U.S. is the Boston Public Latin School.

Books takes a page from the marketing dept and gets SEXY, featuring a book about Dating, Mating and Manhandling, by two women with cleavage who seem to condone holding hands and having sex when YOU want it! Also, Angela Bassett is finally back on the scene with a book about soft core and a Don Cheetle look-a-like seems to be involved in some way as well. Possibly foreplay editor.

On the Ad front:

The Total Gym is still profiting from divorcees and is now making waves on Transit TV, turning fat people like Claire into less fat, but still unattractive members of society. Also, turns out I still want to have sex with Christie Brinkley even after ol’ Billy and even ol’-er Chuck Norris have had their ways. Transit TV’s targeting of the swinger demographic continues with its key party inspired hot tub ads. Sick of spending all day at the dry cleaners and not getting a degree at the same time? Well 30ed wants you! You can earn any degree you want so long as your husband says so and all while hanging with your friends at the drycleaners while 99makethemoney.com is an obvious Drew Rosenhaus bite. And finally, Quickbrite allows u to find all your husbands hidden pron without the hassle of a flashlight.

A random announcement. Transit TV is in bed with store bought flower wholesalers and tells us all not to buy flowers from the Internet. They die in like a day. However, being a really great person I’ve bought flowers online before for the sick and the loved and they lasted at least 3 days.

And on a non-programming note the Transit TV mo graph dept, along with creating amazingly realistic and useful graphics such as the logo morphing into a Swiss army knife, has done it again by biting the sh#t out of Transformers and making the logo turn into Optimus Prime. Albeit a blocky and poorly moving recreation, Optimus al the same. Make sure not to miss when he slowly flies across the screen.

Re: Where the f*#k is Jim Cosak!!! Fear not for he’s back and hatin’ on some snow, but lovin’ on some LPGA action in Honolulu, and wishing us all a great weekend!