Transit TV Update for the Week of 2/9

In an attempt to legitimize while equally mocking everyone’s favorite amenity, Transit TV, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to create a weekly programming recap of all the wonder that is the obviously Orlando, FL based company. Yes, that means I actually tried to pay attention to the racket instead of ignoring it, from time to time that is for it’s impossible to pay attention always and not feel a tumor growing. This is the first in a series of posts, so like Friends, it’ll only get more detailed and better over time… then run its course and get old, whiny and repetitive. But until then, and in no particular order, here we go!

Science and the Sea is back after a month or so of hiatus teaching us about the loss of the world’s sea grass. Turns out it might not be global warming after all, just too many fishers and beach goers peeing in the water. This can be attributed to the mythical green circle of public pools that was said to form around you after you urinated in the pool and has created a mania like pee fest in the world’s oceans. The freedom has gone to swimmers’ heads and a campaign like that of the “Green Circle” is circulating the experts on marine marketing.

Sports Weatherman Jim Cosak (sp?) thinks 62 degrees, though not perfect weather, is still pretty darn nice for a PGA tournament.

New white weathergirl says rain is down near 70 percent across southern California this year compared to last year. She also wears the busty weather girl high waist skirt uniform, which I for one am a fan of.

The Clever Cleaver Brothers have toured New England and the back lot of the Cleopatra set to bring us a week of stews. I’ll remember their names for next post, but for now we’ll just call the tall one Zany and the short one Tony. Tony did a fantastic job of adding salt to some lamb smorgasbord while Zany stirred the wine in with a comedian’s zest. Though I couldn’t hear anything I could tell they were enjoying themselves immensely and like always, I wanted to eat whatever it was they made. It seems that their shows are getting a tad bit longer as well. Last week they created skewers that involved several time-lapse transitions. I’ve also noticed that Zany always works with the ladle while Tony specializes in the spatula. Zany also rolls all the burritos and wraps and Tony always adds the meat. Though seemingly useless observations, the more we learn the more we’ll be able to relate to these profoundly ahead of their time hijinx heroes.

P. Allen Smith and his soft as silk blonde hair are still in the garden teaching us about Hydrangeas. It turns out they’re hugely popular in America and come in a wide range of colors. One of the biggest nurseries is… somewhere and the owner/farmer/guy with pleated khakis and rope belt, thinks they’re a true part of American culture. I think. What’s most interesting is P. Allen’s hand gestures. His background must have been in hand modeling because when he motions to look at the foliage of a potted plant I can’t help but follow his gaze. I’m also curious to see him lift a 50lb bag of potting soil.

The Household Tips Lady (I’ll have the name for next time) tells us to save old holiday popcorn tins and use them to store cat food. While filling the Christmas tree covered tin she created a loud azz machine gun racket, which scared the living s*#t out of the cat she had meant to feed. The cat then looked at her like an idiot as she put her finger out and told her to come get the food. All in all, quite entertaining.

Planet X features some pretty run of the mill surf and skate footage. Some teens had a party in a hot tub as well. And something I’ve always enjoyed is the weird alien on some cratered planet POV Production Company graphic at the end. I assume their objective is to call out to the idea that all aliens are extreme and that he actually resides on Planet X. Though I can’t be sure for he has no snowboard or motocross bike to prove it.

American Latina TV keeps up the pace with a piece on Latin music sensation “Jaunes”. As far as I could tell he’s a Spanish Celine Dion and wins like ten Grammy’s a year even if he doesn’t put anything out. But he writes and produces and he’s HAWT az f*$k so that’s the huge discrepancy. American Latina also has an enigmatic graphic with its Ozzy Osbourne ending. What the hell is actually said, does anybody know? “So scared to let u goooo?” Or “Ceoumm baree doouohh chonooow?”
I also saw some new program that might be called Modern Woman, but I didn’t see what happened. I think it’s a women’s empowerment “show” that teaches women on how to, well, be modern. Can’t wait for what’s in store!

Tech Tips tell us that if you if you don’t like double clicking all you have to do is go to your settings and change it so that just one click of the mouse will open the window you want!

On the ad front:

I was blown away this morning when I saw a Grammy ad with some Justin Timberlake raffle at CBS.com. Could we be turning the tides to real commercials and therefore… real programming? The many debt consolidation ads to follow tells me no. But on probably the brightest note of the public transit year, the annoying as all hell Delsyum cough syrup ad with the stupid talking hand seems to have run its course. The office guy must have finally got the girl’s number! I also haven’t seen any “make a thousand dollars a day doing nothing” scams as of late and the “Be Your Own Boss” book is gone for now too, but I’m sure something equally terrible will rear it’s ugly and LOUD head soon enough.

Finally, BIG news on the Transit TV Super Bowl plasma screen give-away. Sorry everyone, but Linda or Londa or maybe nothing like that, from Atlanta has won! “I love watching Transit TV on my way to work,” she says. Well I can’t say I love it, but a job’s a job and Londa by god, somebody has got to do it.

Till next time, I’m P. Allen… I mean, Tyke Johnson.